For the past few weeks I’ve kinda sorta tried unraveling an idea that’s a popular song and become a prevalent convo. It’s not some brand new idea that people are suddenly stricken with, I’m sure its existed ever since the good ol days of Adam & Eve. It’s something I’m convinced everyone endures their own battles with. I’ve accepted that I will never fully comprehend or explain this topic because everyone has an unique experience and history dealing with it and there isn’t some “one theory fits all” when it comes down to it, but fuck it, that doesn’t mean my curious questioning will cease.
This taboo, now socially prevalent, idea is ‘trust issues‘. My initial interest in this topic was to explore the popular idea through my own writing, but after ongoing conversations with others and my own self reflection, I realize I don’t know shit and I’m definitely not excluded from the suffocating grips of trust issues no matter how much I claim otherwise, therefore I’m no authority of the topic to describe it. Sometimes you have to keep it real with yourself and accept that we hide behind our residual and subconscious thoughts unconsciously. Let me get back on track. So instead of me typing out my own thoughts and feelings about it, I decided I would share others thoughts about it based on a question I had in mind. My primary interest is, “is there a correlation between trust issues, media (news, reality shows, facebook, twitter, etc.), and this modern hyper-narcissistic method of thinking (it’s all about me/Ima do me/I can’t love you cuz I’m busy loving me)?” I question this in hopes of incubating some thought around a cultural shift that appears to be occurring through our generation’s exposure to media and technology.
Compiled all nicely for your viewing pleasure is a variety and collage of responses. I’m sure some of you may identify with some statements more than others but I wanted to provide a spectrum of thoughts. The range of the people questioned was from ages 22-40, and a balance of men & women, all from a somewhat urban background. Here are their thoughts:
“All you hear about now is people talking about “I’ma do me” “I’m so independent” “I don’t need anyone to do anything for me” and whether that’s the case or not, putting forth that attitude towards others when they are first getting to know you makes them question their relevance in your life and whether or not you’re ever going to be willing to commit yourself physically and emotionally to them.”
“Twitter fucks up relationships. Fact. I think it’s about intimacy in conversation… sometimes I trust the computer more than these hoes…Mac’s don’t get viruses! We’re turning into Robots anyway. Our memories are in our phones. Our questions and answers are on computers. Don’t fight the transition.”
“People see other people’s circumstances and compare theirs to it…ex. women getting mad at their man because her friend’s dude cheated on her …etc”
“If I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing – I can’t be in a productive relationship with someone who has trust issues. Self confidence and self esteem is the root of trust issues regardless of how much someone thinks they have no self esteem issues. If you’re with someone and that person does you dirty, you’re going to try to figure out what’s wrong with you that caused them to act like that thus creating self esteem issues or self confidence issues and if it’s always happening, you’re losing confidence in yourself as a person, which in turn makes you always second guess the person you’re with, you’re questioning why they’re with you, what they really think of you, what they’re doing when you’re not around all because you don’t trust yourself that you’re worthy of their affection and attention because other people in the past didn’t appreciate you for what you were.”
“I think people have baggage…there are different kinds. If we could go back to think as a child, and forgive as one…adult relationships would be different…dont you think?”
“ “You control a man by controlling the images that he sees.” So the influx of major trust issues is influenced by the images that we see, in a variety of media capacities…I.e. the drama, gossip, and reality talk show bull, showing the dumb things that people do, and the broken relationships, selfishness….Not to mention the greed that is made to be the cornerstone of our society, we question all that’s around us. It encourages us to have our guard up, and micromanage our ability to be taken advantage of in the interest of others.”
“Most people depend on ‘trust issues’ as a crutch/front to not get involved in order to protect themselves.”
“Importance of society being involved in relationships. The media controls many folks thoughts.”
“When people spend all their time analyzing what their significant other is doing, they’re actually analyzing what they feel about themselves and the level of self worth they have. If you are 100% confident in who you are and what you’re doing, you don’t spend as much time second guessing what someone else is doing.”
“There are so many people hurting on the inside, going through so much, but because they don’t (can’t feel) that they can express [trust] that to another person, it really hurts.”
“As a woman, we’re bombarded with images, and examples of failed relationships that make believing in a romance fairy-tale a joke. African-Americans in general have only a hand full of examples of successful relationships readily available in pop culture, even though the few examples are arguably unrealistic. I hate to reference pop culture, but the truth is it’s a strong source of our programming.”
“Trust issues can come from different fears; fear of rejection, abandonment, or the ‘fear of simping’. With technology these issues seem heightened, and the lack of intimate contact can make irrational fears seem real. Not to mention the societal fascination with infidelity, like “Cheaters.” People’s own insecurities can cause trust issues. If you don’t think your good enough for someone, you may stop trusting them or suspect they are looking for a better deal.”
“Trust is a motherfucka and if you are a mothafucka I can’t trust you around my mother-cuz you a MOTHAFUCKA”
The views expressed are those of others and do not reflect those of the author’s…however, my name is caps and I approve this message.
