Captains log: pi (translate that shit)

Life is a very fascinating phenomenon. It’s fascinating in regards to how you can adamantly believe in and desire something for so long  then suddenly a moment or experience occurs that catalyzes a significant shift in thought, transformation.  You are the things you’ve repetitiously done and/or been socially known for so many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and that when a particular moment occurs, it can redefine everything.  This has been my evolving reality since I’ve turned 25. At this stage of my life, transformation should be my middle name (but its not, otherwise I wouldn’t be caps).

Since my initial catalysts for change, I’ve really been on this become a best me that I can be type hype, not only for me, but for my friends, family, future-wife and my community. Enduring this process you realize there are things that you just don’t want to be or enjoy doing anymore. Lately, I’ve been coming to terms with one of my most recent shifts, the transition from “playing with a team” to “playing one-on-one”, aka the desire to be in a monogamous relationship.

For so long I’ve been elusive & difficult with situations regarding commitments, for two possible reasons, either I wasn’t ready to be completely open & vulnerable or because of my low frequency of genuine, sincere, and romantic interest in someone.  I’m sure much of it is attributed to the fact that I was young and living the shit out of life and didn’t want to settle for anything, so I didn’t want to be tied down. But now that I’ve done and experienced most people’s entire bucket list, my priorities and values have shifted. I really understand and appreciate the simple, triple O.G. wisdom of “getting it out of your system”.

This transition pleasantly baffles me because there are things that I never anticipated being or wanting when I was younger, as well as how much you try to resist that transformation to remain in your comfort zone. Now that I’ve accepted it, there are a few things that knock me off balance when engaging with women that I have sincere interest in that transcends the physical and carnal desires.  I can be smooth as eggs when its solely physical, but once a strong genuine interest is there, I somehow become extremely inept, therefore making things awkward. I suppose it’s something like “taking off your cool”.

I am beginning to understand and appreciate the importance the courting process, you know, getting to know someone and learning if you share similar relationship interests, life goals/plans, ideologies/philosophies, compatibility, and yadda yadda yadda. But most importantly, being able to care, compromise, accommodate, and still remain yourself throughout the process.

“Sounds like you ready to start listening to Kem and drinking wine with a serious woman instead of listening to drake and taking shots of henny with a chick” – Da Homie

(Please dont interpret this blog as a willy wonka/golden ticket announcement that I’m looking for a relationship. I’m not. Looking and wanting are two different things.)